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Who's Serving Who? The State of Service in Seattle
There’s an American Express poll that repeats like a broken record inside my brain. It’s dated by now—a restaurant critic mentor quoted it to me a decade ago—but the gist is that the majority of people make the decision of whether to return to a restaurant based on the service. Not on the food. Not on the comfort of the banquette, the soft glow of the lighting, the soundtrack, the scene. It comes down to the service.
The poll popped back into my head after a recent experience at one of Seattle’s better bars.
I was off for the night—on a date with my husband rather than eating out for a restaurant review—and so we’d decided to treat ourselves to proper gin martinis to start the evening.
We asked the bartender to recommend a gin, which led to some taste tests and comparisons; we were having fun, and our server seemed engaged.
The trouble came when I had the audacity—the chutzpah!—to ask for an extra olive or two. Cue the snarky “Why don’t you just order antipasti?” half-jokes.
Cue the cold shoulder. Cue the “Are you serious?” look on my face.
The takeaway? The guy behind the bar knows more about how I like my martinis than I do. (Also: I’m clearly still anonymous at that bar. Hooray?)
After a friend shared a similar story with me, a pattern began to crystallize. My friend’s parents were visiting, and she and her husband wanted to take them out to dinner.
But having experienced caustic service during prior dinners out with her parents, my friend had decided to take a proactive approach: She’d called the intended trendy French restaurant ahead of time to explain the situation—her father is a very plain eater—and to ask them to be frank with her. Did they have a server who would be able to handle her father’s order of a well-done steak and potatoes without trying to talk him into ordering his steak cooked less? Could they take his order without condescending to him?
Calling ahead to get permission to order as one pleases: Is this what eating out in Seattle has come to?
Granted, the old adage that “the customer is always right” is a quaint, unrealistic ideal. So I suppose it’s worth explaining what good service means to me, so that we can all be on the same page. It’s grace. Graciousness. Essentially doing whatever one can to make the diner’s night just right. Having the grace to sweep any diner gaffes aside and move on without missing a beat. Acknowledging and owning up to any mistake made—even when it’s not the server’s fault, as with a kitchen that’s running behind—rather than pretending nothing is wrong.
But I’ve noticed a troubling new tenor in the conversation between server and diner, in which the diner is expected to order in a way that pleases the server.
Forget substitutions, which many menus now disallow. And even set aside the myriad restaurants where one is told up front that “plates will arrive when they’re ready,” essentially dismissing the considerable importance of properly pacing a meal. The crucial question is: When did it become the diner’s job to order “correctly”?
The new school of servers is passionate and food obsessed, which is a blessing, as long as they don’t approach their jobs from on high; nobody goes out to dinner to hear a lecture on sustainable fisheries or the deficiencies of flavored vodkas.
There is something to be said for the old guard: the old pro servers who wouldn’t dream of dismissing a diner based on a frou-frou drink order or a steak ordered well done. Time, experience, years of long hours and the occasional nightmare diners have taught them that being a server, after all, isn’t really about their egos. It’s about making someone feel special, about treating diners like they’re the most important table of the night.
And it’s about enjoying the resulting big, fat tip.
Comments
service
I totally agree that the server should be able to facilitate a welcoming atmosphere. Having said that, here are a few easy tips to ensure your server doesn't become disenchanted with you as a diner.
If it isn't on the menu- don't ask for it.
Red meat should look red. Not brown and black. If you like your fillet well done then I recommend you get a sirloin.
Probably the most improtant thing to remember is to have patience. You are most likely not the only table that the server is in charge of. You should get what you ask for in a timely manner but take into account that you are picky and needy. Everytime the server comes back with an item you requested you ask for something else. His other tables are all of the same mindset. That increases the time it takes to deliver items to the table exponentially. As long as the server is engaging and thoughtful give them the bennefit of the doubt.
Unless it is a drive thru do not go out to eat on a timeframe. There are too many outside factors that can derail your timetable so eliminate eating out from any timetable.
I have no problem catering to my diners needs, just remember that the more you deviate from the menu the greater the chance of it comming out incorrectly or longer or both. A tighter ecomomy means that even the place where you dine is feeling the pinch. Staff may be reduced. There is a lot that goes on behind the scences in a restaurant. This doesn't justify a server giving the impression that he is less than thrilled to serve you a meal.
If you find appathy or just an innappropriate attitude from your server then they are clearly disenchanted with their job or they really are bad at it.
There are tables that I would love to make the comment "I am A SERVER not YOUR SERVANT" but you have to take the good with the bad. I have been serving on and off for 11 years and my father still doesn't get it. I would tell him how I was tipped 5 dollars on a 60 dollar dinner and his response would be "You get a paycheck right?" The paycheck covers your taxes. It never really makes up for poor tipping. People serve to make more than minimum wage otherwise most servers would quit their job.
Bottom line. Act like a decent human being and not like a king who looks down on the common server. I can take a picky eater or an unenlightened palette all day long. Start acting like a dictator and I will work very carefully to make sure you decide not to come back. Rant over.
It goes both ways
As a diner, I agree. Service can be downright rude (and I am the server's dream patron, I don't ask for substitutions, I order simple, boozy drinks, and I tip at least 20%). It can be really frustrating going out to eat, doing all these things, and being treated like dirt just because I chose to eat out that night.
On the other hand, I have worked as a server. bartender, and hostess for the past four years at different establishments and I can say it can be really soul-crushing to bend over backwards for customers who treat you with disrespect and don't tip. Especially in establishments where servers are required to tip out on sales (For example, tipping out a total of $4 for a $100 bill is no big deal, unless you get stiffed. Then you are literally PAYING out of your own pocket to serve someone dinner).
Serves can get pretty soured on the industry when dealing with too many bad guests.
Come into the icon Grill on 5th and Virginia
Ask for me and make sure to write a column about how amazing it was.